Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
