Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
