I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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