I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
