You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
