at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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