Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
