Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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