Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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