Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
