Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
