how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
