Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
