My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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