sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
