I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
