im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want nice things and good sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
