I think I am morally bankrupt
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
