My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
