my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
