Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
