Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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