I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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