So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
