drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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