he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
