Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
