I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
