I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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