Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
