After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
