That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
