I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
