You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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