The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
