My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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