There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
