"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
