You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
