Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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