Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
