Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
