I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
