Do you still have your period?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
