I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
