yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
