Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
