having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
