I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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