do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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